On my heart

The subject of marriage and family has been on my mind a lot lately. Some time is the last year or so I ask Jay to write an article on the way that God set up the marriage and family. I know I am biased but I thought he did a really good job. This is what I believe with my whole heart and I wish more people could see the blessings of this.

GOD’S PATTERN FOR THE FAMILY

The divorce rate has soared in the past several decades to epidemic levels. The

family is the institution created by God in the beginning as the building block for

civilization, and strong families are the very foundation of any stable society. Therefore,

as the family unit unravels, the fabric of society unravels with it. The government can

pour tens of billions of dollars into solving societal ills and into rescuing failing school

systems that cannot deal with troubled and out-of-control children. But this investment

would be like dumping money into a huge black hole -- without even touching the root

cause of the problem.

As God is the Creator of the family, it follows then that He (being an all-wise God

of detail and order) did not leave it up the imagination of man to come up with the basic

principles that build and hold together strong and stable families in the midst of the daily

trials of life. What is the “glue” that holds families together “for better or for worse”? It

is the fervent charity that is clearly defined in I Corinthians 13, and it is the consistent

adherence by each member to proper scriptural roles.

What popular culture sets forth as true love is based primarily upon materialism

and superficiality and is basically rooted in the selfish interest of “scoring points”. High

expectations are set -- expensive gifts often (and especially at the right times), “wineing

and dining”, charming flattery, and so forth. Anyone who has enough money and

charisma can meet these expectations relatively easily. And then the elaborate wedding

comes -- attended by scores of family and friends. But then, after the honeymoon, the

daily chores come -- and the real-life tests, stressful situations, and continual decisions,

all of which must be faced together by different personalities accompanied by unique

personal “quirks” that suddenly appear. Now the superficial is not enough. The only

thing that “beareth all things” and “endureth all things” (I Corinthians 13:7) is that deep

and abiding charity which covers “a multitude of sins” (I Peter 4:8). It is a charity that is

longsuffering and kind, does not boast itself or push itself forward, does not harbor evil

imaginations one toward another, puts the other person (their interests, comfort, desires,

wellbeing, etc) ahead of self, behaves honorably, and is not provoked easily.

These qualities are beautiful living manifestations of God’s love in our lives. And

one of the beauties of charity is that, in the midst of stressful situations, it shines even

brighter and draws the hearts even closer together. This true love from above is that

which the world knows little about, and it is that which is worth more than all the gold of

Ophir.

Moreover, as each spouse strives to fulfill his or her scriptural role, we need to

remember that these roles are set forth in the Scriptures in the context of charity. The

husband is the head of the wife, but his position is not that of a forceful dictator driven by

pride -- but, rather, a position that is patterned after the example of Christ’s beautiful

relationship with His bride. (See Ephesians 5:22-33). Our Lord loved His bride enough

to lay down His life for her. And, as her loving Head, He daily leads her, provides for

her, protects her, and nourishes and cherishes her. She is instructed to lovingly submit to

Him, just as the wife is instructed to “submit” unto her own husband (Eph. 5:22) and to

“reverence” him (Ephesians 5:33). And it is all the more easier for her to obey him and

submit to him if he is acknowledging and following Christ as the perfect example and the

supreme Head of the family. If such is the case, he will give “honor unto” her, “as unto the weaker vessel” (I Peter 3:7) and not be “bitter against” her (Colossians 3:19).

May the Lord help us to acknowledge God as the Architect of the family and to

ever strive to follow the instructions that He has given us in His infallible Word. “Except

the Lord build the house, they labor in vain that build it . . .” (Psalm 127:1).